capsize.comatised

All Back Up

My site is back up and running. I did not get an explanation as to why my site was basically shut down for over 24 hours. I need my email, and that sometimes came through. I am going to be moving crimsonsparkle.net on my Dreamhost account. I stood by my hosts for ten years because of their excellent customer service, but that has deminised so much that I don't think it's in my best interests to stay with them. I will base this on the next time the site goes down. If it should go down, I can redirect people here or to my Recovering Beauty page. Possibly Tumblr, but that site is over-run with less-than-intelligent teenagers (last year one of them emailed my husband to inform him that I was having sex with a man named Jerry. That is what I call my husband on my blog). I also have an InsaneJounral, Dreamwidth, and LiveJournal. Add me if you want. Last, but not least, I had a blog on Myspace. If you were to read all of that you'd deserve a cookie. :D

I love to write. What can I say? I have a few more Wordpress.com pages, and I have the site here. I have always wondered if the real reason that I like to write so much in so many places over so many years. I love having the ability to share what is on my mind and where I am going with so many people. Sometimes these people can see that I need some kind of support and they give it to me. I have kept a diary of some sort for the past twenty years. Over half my life. Both online and off. I want to be remembered, and I want people to read what I write because writing is something that I feel I am really good at and can entertain a lot of people through my writings. Back when I was in highschool, I used to write about "adventures" I had over the summer, and my classmates and teachers really bought it. They were very well written, very descriptive. I wanted to author books since I was ten years old. Having the internet to publish and have that feed back on my writing, as been amazing. In the tweleve years that I have done this, my confidence has soared. I don't care if my mother makes fun of me and says that my friends are all in a worthless box. I would gladly join them in said box, and they are far better than the physical friends she brought over who beat me up and raped me when I was little, and then again when I was a teenager. I still have flashbacks from those nights.

But this is not my self-recovery blog, and it's after 2am, so  I am going to take a swig of codiene and get my tired butt in bed. I went shopping today, and, well, you're going to have to read it on my site tomorrow! Love to all reading!

 

Still Down

I still do not know what is going on with comatised.com. I am getting emails and text messages from people letting me know that my site is not doing what it's supposed to do. I apologise for that. I cannot apologise enough for that. When I log into FTP, all of my files are there. When I log into FTP for crimsonsparkle.net, the files are there as well. I am thinking about moving crimsonsparkle.net to my Dreamhost account, just to keep the drama down. If I really thought I could get my entries back with what is on the FTP account, I would also move comatised.com to my Dreamhost account, where it was three years ago. I could have any publishing software I wanted, any design I wanted, and I had zero ordeals like this.

Having a weblog, to me, is not about having to sit down and explain to people how shite my hosts are being, with the down time on my site, my site redirecting to wilwheaton.net, because apparently Wil Wheaton is the only customer they have who deserves to have his site working perfectly. But shock of shockers, he turned away from them years ago and is here on TypePad. So technically he has a shell of a website there on their servers.

It's all one big headache and I'd rather not spend my writing time writing about technology that does not live up to the expectations that it once performed at. I wanted to write about the unseasonably warm weather and how I got to walk around in shorts again for the first time in months. So...

Here's the single-sided conversation I am having with my hosts over this issue:

 

 

 

And the emails from Site Uptime telling  me that my old page was coming through for about an hour today:

 

 

Click either image to view them in full size.

Sigh.

I am a writer. My current projects are writing about my life, my illnesses and how I am getting through on a day by day basis, and now that my website is down, I can't write where people will recognise me on a daily basis. I know this is mostly my fault. I stood by my hosts, I made excuses for them, claiming it could be possibly one of my own faults. But I think they did something wrong this time, and I'm missing ad spots, people are confused, and one person even called me (my cell phone number is in my Facebook profile) and she was worried that I was going to do something to myself or someone was black mailing me again. I reassured her that nothing was going on other than my hosts were laying down on their jobs. I will get things up and running again. I promise.

If I can't get these hosts to behave, I can always slip over to Dreamhost. My photo blog, pixie.nu is hosted on Dreamhost and registered with the same registration company, so I know it's not the registra. It's in the hosting. Any ideas as to what is going on would be very helpful. I've popped my meds for the night and I'm about ready to crawl into bed for the night while burning some DVDs for my mom for the night. I hope this is all resolved soon. I love typepad, but not as a back up for my blog that should be working no matter what.

 

Site's Down

I wish I knew what was up with my site. I sent an email to my hosts this evening, but I don't know how long my page has been down. So sorry about that. I had some awesomly-kickassed photos uploaded to Flickr to post this evening, but I can't be bothered with fighting with Apache and Plesk this evening, so I'm just going to leave it in the hands of my hosts and post here. At least here I don't have to fight with a server! Fifty three photos though. It's a shame that I went through over four-hundred images and videos and I was going to share some with the world. Oh well. If you're too excited to wait, go on over to my Flickr and look at them there. Or wait until tomorrow when my site is back up and running.

I feel better than I did yesterday. I think it has something to do with the Naproxen that I am taking, so no more of that for me. I didn't need my inhaler when I got out of the bathtub tonight, so that's an improvement. Chloe got sick in the wee hours of the morning, throwing up, and general illness, so I let her stay home from school today. That turned out to be her coming to work with me, and she slept peacefully on the sofa in the professors' lounge while I graded papers and worked on next week's exams. Oooo, my students are going to hate my guts for the questions I'm going to ask this time! Isn't that the whole point of being a teacher? To make mortal enemies? *evil grin*

Oh, and call me Echos here too. Thanks. :) And for cripe's sake comment! Say something! LIVE DAMNIT, LIVE!!!

Christmas Is

... the spirit of love that surrounds us and touches us with its greatness. It's the kindness and unselfishness of giving. It's not about gifts wrapped in pretty paper, but the heart that's put into our actions. It's the celebration of life. It's opening our heart up to the miracles that happen everyday. It's about the birth of a child. ... And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. ~ Luke 2:10-11 Merry Christmas.

The Stars Invite

It's still dark out. I wish I could somehow believe my brother in law. He does this every so often, and goes off his nut and runs back to his abusive "girlfriend". He is under some kind of delusional idea that she loves him and cares for him. Yeah. Right. Sure. Love isn't throwing insults at someone with the intent to injure their heart. Love isn't making false accusations about someone when you've had a bad day. Love isn't posting lies on the internet about that person and getting strangers involved in what should be between the both of you.

Billy's "girlfriend" does all of that. It's just the tip of the ice burg. I've spent years trying to get the people she has sent after me off of my back. People who send me threatening emails and personal attacks. Some went so far to upload the images of me that I gave her because I thought she cared for me, and wanted to see some photos of me. Billy says she didn't do it, but the images were ones that only she had. Who else could have done these things?

When she goes to perfect strangers on the internet for "help" with her relationship, she twists the situation around. She makes it seem that Billy is abusive to her, when he has never even hurt her feelings, let alone lied about her or made remarks about her family. When these people read this, they don't care about the girlfriend. They don't care about Billy. They don't care about me. What they do care about is drama, and they make plenty of that for us everytime she does something like this. Usually there is one or two people who will come forward and tell me where the post was made, but that is rare. She always makes "dry links" to my blog for people to leave their "opinions" about me on there. I have changed websites three times because of what she has done to me with her stupidity, jealousy, and vicious lying.

When I went to Billy about this, she told him that I was making things up. I assured him that I was not, and sent him the links and pages. He still didn't believe me! He has gone so far to say that I have posted those pages myself, but why would I do that and then cry and sob to him when people were after me?! Does that make any sense?! I have asked him to not allow this woman to have anymore images of me for the internet. I have been hiding from him because I don't want him knowing where my blog is at because then he will give it to her, asking if this entry or that entry is my love confession to him. Yes, everything I put on the internet is a cryptic message of love to that asshole.

Right now, I am unsure what Billy wants from me. I am not going to abandon my family and run off with him somewhere. I don't care if he wants to take me to Disney Land every day, or take me back to Louisiana. All in all, I'm not interested in whatever he has to offer me. He was never interested in me when I was single. He refused to help me when I was kicked out of my own home, and had to walk all those ways in the blistering snow. He has put me on the back burner so many times for his "love" that I refused to believe him when he said that he was over her and no longer interested in contacting her anymore. That, too, was a lie. He frequently contacts her or tries to. That is why I don't believe him when he tells me that he has no interest in her whatsoever. They deserve each other.

A Week Late

I'm blogging back over at my site again. It turns out that what happened was (another!) hacking. This time the person(s) added a couple of extra lines in my wp-config.php file that redirected to another file they uploaded into my wp-content folder that was a java script for a virus. This caused my WP admin page to be blank as well as my site. Nice asshole(s) huh? The joke was on them though. I knew it wasn't a hosting error because I could get to my hit counter and my webmail and I was still able to get and send emails. But they MISPELLED "wp-content"! BRILLIANT! People should learn how to spell and familiarize themselves with the software they're hacking before actually doing it!

I fixed my config file, deleted the offending bullshit, and my site works like a charm now. My host also updated the PHP, so I'm running Wordpress 3.2 Beta now. It looks wonderful! I love it! It's different, but it's better than the last one. My only complaint is that I cannot get it to update plugins automatically anymore, and that just seems to be a problem on my Plesk-hosted site, and not the Dreamhost site. Weird.

Back to reality. :)

May Fourteenth of This Year

Still no word about my site. Some people are getting through, but many are not. Sad days people, sad days.

It brings me back to a decade ago, when blogger.com malfunctioned due to one of the biggest internet hoaxes of the decade climaxing on this day. Really shook up the blogging world. Really crashed blogger.com and blogspot.com. I remember that was my first real crash course in installing Greymatter on my site. I hated dealing with a third-party company, and vowed off Blogger forever. Today, however, it's my hosting company going cucu on me. Can't really complain about the third party people when the second parties are laying down on the job, can you?

I find it interesting that Janna St. Crazy chose today to post. There's a method to her posting lately. More attention to her catalyst and more attention to her batshittery. But her last few posts have a date theme on them. Maybe it's her subconscious, or maybe she knows exactly what she's doing, but I have a pretty good memory when it comes to people and their fucketry. Janna made her first blog on May 10, 2001. She skipped the 11th, 12th, and 13th. Then came back on the 14th, the day of Blogging Hoaxes everywhere, to post her bogus "I am James' biological mother, and I knew that when I joined this board of brilliant college students last fall" shit story. She really knew how to make us eat out of her hand! Wanna mindfuck some college students? Tell them they're super-smart. After that, everything you say to them will be gospel. They'll defend you to the end, if you can convince them you think they're the smartest people known to mankind.

Or at least that's what our group was like. Maybe we were the only group of college students known to suddenly become religious and beg God to let us pass every time we had an exam, but that's who we were. Also, the people on that board were close. But we had our problems. The biggest being that we were all "unstable", emotionally, at best. At medium range, we were off our fucking rocks. Anything in the real would could and did set us off, and our board was filled with that glee. Maybe that's why Janna chose to fuck us all over. I dunno. Don't care, either.

Coming home from my transplant, I found a shocking secret amongst the "group" again. James has attempted again, and got caught. Again. My actual comment to this was "if you're going to continue to attempt suicide, at least GET IT RIGHT!" Yeah, bitch, I know. Don't care, either. James knows I love him, he knows I care, but why does he want to die so badly? Why again? It made more sense the first time around when there was that emotional crashing down of "who am I?", verses this time when he had three little ones and a wife, plus a great career. Yes, it broke my heart again. This time because I felt that the first time, I saved his life. This time? I wasn't there. It was his wife who made the 911 call.

James tried to mimick Jess and Chris, with a little kick in the crotch to me. Percocet. Fifty of them. Don't know where he got them, don't know what he was thinking, and in a way, I don't care. I care that he is safe now, and his therapy is being adjusted to this new twist in the road that is his life. He went wrong in taking the medicine with hard liquor. That always, always, always made him puke. When the vomit turned from his wife's dinner to what she said "looked like pills", she called 911. Ten of the fifty pills had already absorbed, so I was told, there was little damage done, nothing permanent other than the Tylenol content of the pills, and things would return to normal in a month.

Only they haven't.

This time people aren't forgiving James as they did the last time. Last time there was a purpose. This time, it's just that unstability kicking in.

Being the scientist, James actually asked me today why he didn't die. Chris and Jess died within a few minutes to hours of their overdosing. Chris was a heavy drinker. Certainly he had some of that in his system! Yes, he did. But at the same time, Chris and Jess were on heavy anti-emetrics. They couldn't throw up. James' flat monotone of "Oh." Made me want to join the other side. He didn't want to die. I knew that when he didn't ask me where to get anti-emetrics, where he had asked me how I got Percocet, back in January. He wanted to play with fate and karma. Play with fire if you want, James. Just don't expect me to be the enchantress.

So...

Yes, I'm a little mad, a lot heart broken, and a tad sleepy.

All James' fault. All my fault.

It's been said that I need normal friends. But think about it. Would normal friends be this much fun? Could I really write a 1000 word blog post about my adventures and feelings of normal people? Nope. Probably a five word post: "Went to the movies today." Normality is not for me. I've grown acustom to being the rock in the churning seas that are the lives of the people I have come to know and love over the past twelve years. People that I got acquainted with through fonts on a pixelated screen and later through heafty cell phone bills and eventually meeting up in New York or Chicago to play around under the city lights. There's never a dull moment with these people. Literally. But ther's extreme loyalty amongst us.

Broken or not, I have decided I like my life. I like who I am, who I have become. I like where I am going, where I have been. I wouldn't want to trade my life experiences for anything. Can you say the same?

Friday The Thirteenth

I'm redirecting traffic here. No, I don't know what's up with my site. I've emailed my hosts, but that was over an hour ago. I don't expect a reply tonight.

So I apologise about the blank page that is my site. I don't know what happened to it, and I know that I hate it when I'm surfing EC and come to a blank site. Besides, that violates EC's TOS and I'm kind of anal about that, so I'm sending people here for the duration of the downtime. So sorry people. It's ironic that I wrote yesterday about my off-server blog, only to have to turn to it less than twenty four hours later.

Other than that, I've had a pretty good Friday the Thirteenth. How about you? I slept most of the day. Ha! Hair of the dog! I met my good friend Chris on a Friday the Thirteenth, and we went to see the new Friday the Thirteenth on a Friday the Thirteenth, so it's a good day for me. I remember Chris falling asleep in the theater and falling out of his chair. I also remember the asshole behind us who talked on his phone the entire movie. Hate people who do that.

Today was the last day of classes for Chloe. Yep, school's out till the end of August. I have to boost my parenting attention span up to full speed. I tried to get Nick to take her to school this morning, but he wouldn't budge. Apparently, he raided the liquor last night and was having a hang over this morning. Chloe wanted to go to school at seven in the morning to "get it over with already!" Not that she hates her school or anything. She's already expressed that she doesn't want to go anymore, and can't wait till she's 18 so she can quit! Have I raised a winner or what? I will say this, I wanted to quit so many times when I was younger, as a child, even, and I went on to college and med school, so it's probably nothing.

I stopped by the University to pick up some papers and get on with my work for the summer semester. I didn't see Carl. Good thing. I found out some of my co-workers were in on the "she's crazy" shit, probably because I'm one of the more over-qualified people for my job. I could have gotten their positions and then some if I really wanted to when I hired in. They're intimidated by me. I know it. So they want rid of me. FUN! I thought I was working with adults, not high school kiddies! And to make things worse, these are the people who are teaching our youth, our future. Oh, and some poetic justice: I was drug tested today. At least I assume that's what Ron wanted my urine and hair for. But you can never tell with people who work in science. :D

G'night everyone! Hope my site is back to normal in the morning! More than that, I hope my hosts are updating that PHP error, so I don't have to quit my blog there afterall. :)

Still Hanging Around

I have decided to keep this site. It's free, so there you have it! :) I love posting, and I need a place for an off-server blog, and this is perfect. Free. Easy. Some place that I can get to know all over again.

Right now I am thinking of getting a new host, but no promises. I don't know of any places that are as WordPress non-cPanel friendly as the place that I currently am at. I will think of something to do, I promise!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

My Irish is lacking. But my *Irish* eyes are always green and dancing. Old Irish toast:
May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.